I am learning. And learning is always better than sitting still and stagnating, right?

When I was little I was raised in a (Christian) belief system that taught some things that might not have actually been the most biblical. I mean, most of the time they were spot on, but there was some stuff I found out later that was pretty questionable.

One of those things was that, “When you ask God for something, He will provide it right then and there.” There was a caveat though. You had to have enough faith and righteousness for your request to be honored. I can’t tell you how many of the most righteous little old ladies that I knew who were told that they just need to “press in and press on” because they didn’t have enough faith to get what it was they were needing.

That’s what I grew up believing. That if I was in need of something and petitioned God for it and it didn’t come to me right away it was my fault. That my faith was “small.” Let me tell you what, that is a great foundation for building guilt and causing doubt in your security as a child of the living God.

Here’s what I know about faith:

Then the disciples approached Jesus privately and said, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?”

“Because of your little faith,” He told them. “For I assure you: If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will tell this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. [However, this kind does not come out except by prayer and fasting.] ” – Matthew 17:19-21 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)

We need faith. Jesus told his disciples that if they merely had “faith the size of a mustard seed” that nothing would be impossible for them. A mustard seed is really, really small. I’m not exactly sure how you quantify the amount of faith a person has, but I’m pretty what the Lord is telling is here is that all we need is just a little. He’s going to take care of the rest. All we have to do is believe.

Tough sometimes? I know. What I am learning through some painful lessons and some things that maybe aren’t lessons so much as just life is that things take time. We can’t always get what we want or think we need whenever it is that we ask for it. Should we stop asking God? Probably not. An open dialogue with our Heavenly Father is the best thing we can keep going so I’d suggest you keep on talking. He’s listening.

Right now I have some wants. Maybe they’re needs. I’m not really sure how to tell that and I don’t think that I am a neutral enough figure in the situation to even begin to decide that. They are good wants. God-approved and full of blessing. In my heart I sometimes ache. There is nothing wrong with what I want, but that doesn’t mean that now is a good time. Or God’s time. And I am learning (slowly and with a lot of feet-dragging, kicking and stomping fits) that no matter how “good” the thing is that I want, that God has a plan and a time for everything. And sometimes what you want, again, no matter how “good,” isn’t in the plan at all. That’s not something I want to entertain at the moment so I’m just going to skip it. But I’m learning it and accepting it and finding that with every passing day it gets a little easier to accept the Lord’s timing. What I’ve also picked up is that my godly longings are not going unfulfilled as punishment for my lack of faith. Sometimes, what we may hear in our heads as a resounding slam of a door may be something as quiet and hopeful as a whispered, “Wait. Not yet.”